Funniest Golf Quotes

By Captain Thomsen on 17 Aug 2015

Greg Norman

Greg Norman

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.


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Dave Barry

Dave Barry

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.


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Lee Trevino

Lee Trevino

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.


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Unknown

Unknown

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.


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Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.


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Muhammad Ali

Muhammad Ali

I'm the best. I just haven't played yet


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Winston Churchill

Winston Churchill

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.


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Sam Snead

Sam Snead

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.


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You've just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.


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If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would've been a great shot.


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Kevin Costner

Kevin Costner

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.


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Bertrand Russell

Bertrand Russell

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.


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Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.


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Bob Hope

Bob Hope

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf


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Dean Martin

Dean Martin

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.


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Ben Hogan

Ben Hogan

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.


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John Updike

John Updike

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.


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Chi Chi Rodriguez

Chi Chi Rodriguez

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.


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Raymond Floyd

Raymond Floyd

They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.


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William Wordsworth

William Wordsworth

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.


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