What do you get when you have some of the richest, most bored people on the planet investing time and money in getting domesticated ungulates to try run faster than each other? Usually a lot of men in suits and women in ridiculous hats getting smashed on champagne. But more than that you get some very cheeky and silly racehorse names.
Here’s our Top 10 of the most ridiculous racehorse names of all time.
Only someone incredibly rich could afford to be classless enough to call their horse Big Tits. Surprisingly this horse was never raced in Australia, but instead bounced around the tracks of France.
A small tit. Also known by its scientific name, Paridae.
What happens in the absence of wit, inspiration, simple bad taste or any sort of creativity at all? You buy a horse for tens of thousands of dollars and call it Washing Powder.
Just when you were starting to think racehorse owners were incapable of subtlety, one injects some into naming their gelding. The owners of rival gelding Missing Jewels also deserve an honourable mention.
This name actually got shot down by the UK Jockey Club before the horse could make it out onto the track and get racing commentators to say its name.
Passing Wind was a New Zealand bred racehorse who placed six times in 16 starts. He died at the age of 9, presumably from humiliation.
Bit Tits beating Golden Shower to the post would have been a historic moment in thoroughbred racing, but unfortunately Golden Shower never travelled to France and instead plied its trade in the backwaters of Brazil.
Another one that didn’t make it past British racing’s censors, but it would have been something to see a Cunning Stunt win the Epsom Derby.
Sofa Can Fast
Sofa Can Fast is a true Australian hero. This colt was born and bred down under, and has turned out not be Not Sofa Can Fast at all. In fact Sofa Can Fast has had claimed $10 in prize money at last count.
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Pederasty ranks alongside croquet and moustache curling as a pastime of the well-heeled. Some of them even turn their horses into dating advice columns for their peers.
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